my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
