i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
