Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
