why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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