holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
