he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
