idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
