turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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