First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
