she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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