Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
