I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
