in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
