so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
