booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
