yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
