thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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