He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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