Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
