the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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