What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
