You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
