I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
