I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
