My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
