He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
