I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
