Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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