the condom got lost in my hair
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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