Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
