he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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