I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
