just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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