Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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