woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
