Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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