I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
