I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
