i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
