boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
