so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
