he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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