I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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