you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
