he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
