they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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