Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My vagina is officially offended.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i now understand why vodka
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
