she was so not down for the gang bang
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
