Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
