Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
