When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
