you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
