if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
