I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
