Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
