After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
