I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Let's get the cat blown out
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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