there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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