my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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