youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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